Mood: Annoyed
Listening to: The Loco-motion - Little Eva

Yeah, your project is the best. We got it

Rant coming up. Run away while you still can.

Yesterday was the deadline for the final project report. Boy, am I so glad to get that over with. What annoys me is that there are people who take great pleasure in making their project sound superior to others. Like, "OMG!!!1 In my report, I wrote like, 1 million words and my report is 2.5 Gb big LOL!! How big is urs??". Do you know anyone like this? I'm sure you do. He is the one that, after a difficult exam and everyone is clearly stressed out, would go and ask everyone "OMG LOL!! I so don't know the answer to that question worth a gazillion of marks. Is it, like, divide by 2 or 2.01?? LOL OMG!1". Yup, that jerk that you wished would accidentally be stabbed by a knife that you accidentally had in your hand. Big and sharp. Oh yeah.

This person would also pretend like he's interested in how everyone else is doing, but in reality he just wants to listen to how screwed up their projects are. The more of their problems he knows, the more frequent he will be asking about them. If his own project is not doing well then he knows there's at least one other person who's in the same shit that he is in. If he's doing okay then he derives great satisfaction in feeling safe and secure when other people are not. He usually targets a person who always fails to meet deadlines and would go "OMG has that guy sent his report in??" or "LOL I heard he hasn't even started writing his report yet" or something. This is not to be confused with people who actually care. Maybe not in the mother-child care level, otherwise you might risk a restraining order against you by your lovely friend fearing your fetish, but the normal is-this-guy-serious care that we all have.

So you'd be asking, "so Lan, how do you kick this jerk's ass?". Simple, just lift your foot and kick him squarely in his flabby rear. If you're not ready to be charged with assault and battery, then do these instead.

1) Act uninterested. He would go babbling about how many pages he's written or how he follows the guideline as if it's the Bible (well, who knows, maybe it's HIS Bible) and all you have to do is stare at some other direction. Whenever he asks you something, reply with a sentence starting with "I don't know", shrug, and give a short answer. Preferrably just a word. Keep your voice on the same octave.

2) Change the topic. Being a jerk that he is, he will not shut his hole throughout the day. There might be a possibility that he would talk to himself, because he just loves to hear his own voice, but chances are he needs you to listen to him. What you have to do is go to another friend, let him follow you while spraying spits everywhere, and make yourself busy with whatever object you see near the other friend. When he finishes his sentence, say something interesting about the object, like "Is this ribbed or super-sensitive?". You will see him slightly disappointed that you're about half past give a shit and then try to join the conversation with the new subject. Before long, he would ramble on about how god-like he is. So, repeat 1), 2) or go to 3)

3) Don't participate. Usually he would say something that, in a normal, polite exchange of ideas, you're expected to say/ask the same thing back. For example, he could ask "Did you put the equation that Lecturer A mentioned last week in your report?". You'd go "Yeah" or maybe "Whatever, douche-bag". Presuming you said the first one, you're then expected to ask him the same question back. Instead, just end it there and do 1)

I hate this type of people. Jerker than a teenager with a lot of hand-lotion.